Permanence

Driving home from the airport, I was sad. It was the final move to breaking away from my parents, knowing I'll only be around to visit, as all adults do when they get married and move away. It felt strange and almost crushing, especially since I was only coming home to a couple of cats.

But as I was driving home, I pumped up the Essential Johnny Cash albums as I drove through dense, wild and beautiful wilderness, felt the air get colder as I approached the coast and saw the fog roll in through the tall pines, and I knew I would be okay. Change is difficult, especially permanent change.

And as I sit in a quiet apartment, poorly lit but comfortable, and possibly too expansive for a single person, I feel the change moving through me. Although the marriage is nothing more than paperwork to announce a relationship that felt like marriage from the beginning, I feel more alive and adult than I ever have. But that doesn't mean I'm fearless.