Final projects and papers, my mind is mush rolling around in my head. I have bigger fish to fry come July, and I really just wish it were July right now. Then I know I would be closer to moving on. I'm ready to close this chapter, and move onto a new one -- one that doesn't include writing a paper on a Sufi martyr or the Athens parking services.
I'm anxious. But the good kind, where I know I'm waiting for something wonderful, but don't actually want to wait for it. Funny though, the thing for which I'm anxious would know exactly how to make me calm down. If only.
If only it weren't May. If only I had tried to graduate early. If only hockey could continue for the next few months so it could occupy my time until then. If only football could start earlier so I could worry about that instead. If only schoolwork wasn't the sole thing I have to wrap my mind around. If only I weren't such an impatient person. If only I didn't depend on him for my well-being.
But I do. And for that I'm eternally grateful. If only it didn't make things so difficult right now. I could concentrate better if I had a weekend visit. I could be less irritable. I could be less impatient. But 3,000 miles is a long, expensive trek for just a few days.
I'd wait a lifetime. But I certainly wouldn't enjoy it.